I was recently contacted by a young, introverted woman who enjoys her church but struggles to attend its extracurricular social events because they emotionally and mentally drain her. She wanted to obey the Lord but needed advice and encouragement to help her navigate these challenging situations. (Note: her question was not about weekly church attendance but about social events and activities at her church.)
I offered this young woman several pieces of advice and encouragement to help her manage her needs and navigate the challenges they brought to her life. I have listed them below in hopes that you find them beneficial for yourself or for someone you mentor who struggles with similar challenges:
#1—Embrace who you are without apology.
God intentionally designed you with an introverted personality and disposition. You are not defective or wrong for needing time away from others to recharge, nor must you apologize for bowing out of extracurricular church activities that are socially, mentally, or emotionally draining. Jesus often modeled the importance of taking time away from the crowds to recharge mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. One example is found in Matthew 14:23: “And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there.”
#2—Understand your emotional and mental limitations.
Familiarize yourself with your needs so you do not overextend yourself beyond what you can handle socially. Perhaps choose one social event to attend at church or forego them all and pray to reassess your future levels of involvement. Proverbs 3:13-14 says, “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold.”
#3—Schedule time to recharge.
Avoiding every social (church and non-church) gathering is impossible. Therefore, schedule time before the ones you must attend to mentally prepare and schedule time afterward to recharge with Jesus in peace and solitude. Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”
#4—Replace large gatherings with one-on-one fellowship.
Consider replacing your attendance at large social functions at church with one-on-one time instead. Perhaps schedule a coffee or lunch date with godly women from your church to foster, maintain, and preserve godly fellowship. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
#5—Maintain a healthy balance.
Understanding your specific needs and taking measures to meet them in God-honoring ways will help balance your life and keep you from isolation extremes or social burnout. 3 John 1:2 says, “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.”
#6—Maintain weekly church attendance.
Continue to attend weekly church services to grow in your faith, feed and nourish your spirit, and learn God’s Word. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “Let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” Additionally, 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be adequate and equipped for every good work.”
I hope these tips were helpful, informative, and valuable for your life, relationships, and ministry.
