Jesus identified the sin of adultery as beginning in the mind and heart. When a spouse is tempted by a lustful thought and chooses to nurture rather than immediately forsake it, they commit adultery in their heart. When they engage in any form of romantic, intimate, or sexual activity with someone other than their biblical marriage partner, they commit adultery against their spouse. Infidelity also occurs when a married individual divorces their spouse for unbiblical reasons and marries another.
Infidelity is never justified and is an extremely painful violation for spouses to overcome because it rips apart the fabric of trust that once existed in their relationship. However, Jesus’ ultimate desire is for the cheating spouse to genuinely repent and for the violated spouse to forgive them so they can work toward rebuilding their marriage. However, several factors must be present for reconciliation to occur.
First, the adulterer or adulteress must consistently demonstrate their professed repentance through their words and actions over an extended period. Their visible repentance will help rebuild their spouse's trust and facilitate their forgiveness and healing. Additionally, with Jesus’ grace and intervention, both spouses should make every effort to work through the devastation caused by the adultery and affair-proof their marriage for the future.
However, if genuine repentance is absent or the damage is too severe for the violated spouse to overcome, God lovingly and graciously provided an allowance for divorce in such cases as a last resort. This act releases the violated spouse from their marriage covenant and renders them free to remarry without committing adultery themselves.
Regardless of whether a marriage survives the aftermath of adultery, the violated spouse should continue striving toward forgiving their betrayer. If the adulterer or adulteress refuses to repent, they should still work toward forgiveness in their heart so bitterness and resentment do not become permanent residents. It has been well said that “harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.”
(See the Scripture References link at the top of the page.)
