MARRIAGE
Commentary
Scripture References
God created marriage as a sacred and binding covenant between one biological man and one biological woman exclusively for life. Therefore, it should never be entered into casually or temporarily but soberly and circumspectly. Furthermore, divorce should never be an option when entering into a marital covenant.
Death is the only event God intended to release a spouse from their marriage covenant. However, He has graciously provided special allowances for divorces in cases of adultery or abandonment. When a spouse dies, the surviving spouse is released from their marriage bond and can either remain single or remarry. If a believer remarries, their prospective new spouse must also be a born-again Christian.
Marriage immediately constitutes a new family unit. A husband and wife are no longer two individuals belonging to their original family unit but have left to form a new one together. This is referred to in Scripture as “leaving and cleaving.” Leaving their former family does not imply a disregard for parents or siblings. It means spouses recognize and honor their new family unit as a priority above all others. Cleaving to each other does not imply couples must spend every free moment together. It also does not mean they lose their identity or cannot have meaningful friendships with other people. It simply means both spouses have chosen to walk through life together with a deep understanding of having joined together in a unique one-flesh relationship. The practice of leaving and cleaving is essential in establishing and maintaining the type of marriage God designed couples to have. When one or both spouses fail to leave and cleave, it creates severe conflicts within the marriage, including a lack of intimacy, unity, trust, and commitment.
The roles of husbands and wives were designed by God to flow in a complimentary manner. When both spouses honor and obey God’s directives for them, it naturally creates oneness, unity, and mutual respect. It also enables them to experience the wonderful, loving relationship God intended for them to have. When one or both spouses function contrary to God’s order and design, they will experience friction, disunity, and resentment, which are key ingredients for a marriage to unravel.
The roles commanded by God for husbands and wives to fulfill are as follows:
Husbands: God has designed and designated the husband to be the leader of his home, wife, and children. As the leader, he is to set the example by fulfilling his God-ordained role to love his wife the way Jesus loved the Church. This speaks of a humble, servant-hearted, self-sacrificing love toward his wife. A husband is not to lord his authority over his wife or take a controlling, parental, or dictatorship role within the marriage. He is to love her according to the biblical definition of love found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, which states, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” A husband should put his wife’s needs above his own. He should tenderly care for her, serve her, and lead her spiritually as one under authority himself. Loving his wife in this Christ-centered manner will naturally draw her into fulfilling her biblical role of submission within the marriage. But if it does not, husbands are to live out their God-given roles regardless of whether their wives do likewise.
Wives: God has designed and designated the wife to be her husband’s helpmate. She is commanded to respect him and submit to his leadership and authority within the marriage, just like the Church submits to Jesus’ leadership. This type of biblical submission is not to be confused with taking on the role of a doormat, a child, or a slave. It also does not equate to a wife being a “less-than-equally-valued partner” within the marriage who has no voice in marital matters or decisions. Instead, biblical submission should be offered willingly and with humble, reverent respect in response to her husband’s great love demonstrated toward her. This is how the Church responds and submits to Jesus, which is a beautiful picture of what God intended for couples to experience within marriage. Wives are responsible for living out their God-given roles regardless of whether their husbands do likewise.