The Bible says in Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” It also says in Colossians 3:20, “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.”
Given that everyone is somebody’s child regardless of their age, the directness of the Bible’s commands might cause some adult children to question their “obedience responsibilities” to their parents or cause parents to try and manipulate or control their adult children.
So, which “children” are expected to obey their parents?
There is no question that young children are expected to obey their parents and submit to their parental authority based on the commands issued in Ephesians and Colossians. This biblical mandate is also confirmed in verses directed to parents, instructing them to discipline their children for disobedience. Proverbs 19:18 says, “Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death.” Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Also, Proverbs 22:15 states, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”
But does God expect adult children to obey their parents? Do parents have the right to command obedience and submission to their authority from their grown offspring? The answer to those questions can be ascertained from the context of Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20.
The “family household” was the contextual framework surrounding the apostle Paul’s directive for children to obey their parents in Ephesians and Colossians. The verses preceding his command to children identified and described other members’ roles and responsibilities before God. He first instructed wives to submit to their husband’s leadership and spiritual authority and then charged husbands to love their wives sacrificially. Afterward, Paul turned his attention to children, instructing them to obey their parents in the Lord*. Finally, he commanded everyone (children and adults) to honor their parents, which is the 5th Commandment God gave Moses (see Ephesians 6:2 and Exodus 20:12).
Given the domestic context surrounding Ephesians 6:1 and Colossians 3:20, the “children” who are required to obey their parents in the Lord are those living under their parent’s roof as dependents. This directive applies to young children but can also apply to grown adults who are in that living situation. However, adult children living independently of their parents (or whose parents live with them for support and care) are not required to obey them or submit to their authority. Instead, their allegiance is to Jesus’ authority and headship over them. Yet, Scripture still requires them to honor their parents, which means to respect and care for them in ways that honor and glorify Jesus.
Matthew 19:16-22 reflects how independent adult children are not required to obey their parents but honor them instead. In these verses, a rich young ruler approached Jesus to inquire about obtaining eternal life. Jesus instructed him to keep the Commandments, which included honoring his father and mother. Yet He never told the man to obey his parents as an independent, self-sufficient adult.
Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:4-6 also reflect the same principle. In these passages, God calls men to leave their fathers and mothers and be united with their wives to become one flesh. In like fashion, wives are called to submit to their husbands as the heads of their families, not their parents (see Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18). These directives dispel the idea that independent, grown children are required to obey and submit to their parent’s authority.
I hope this brief synopsis clarifies this potentially confusing biblical mandate.
*Obeying one’s parents “in the Lord” allows for disobedience when a parent asks or requires them to violate Scripture. For example, a child forbidden from reading the Bible or praying or told to lie, cheat, or steal must not obey such directives. Instead, they must obey Jesus—recognizing that His command for their obedience to their parents never included sinning against Him.
