When we have been deeply hurt by someone, it is not always easy to tell if we have forgiven that person fully in our hearts. Consequently, there are four simple questions you can ask yourself to help you determine if you are harboring unforgiveness in your heart toward someone who has hurt you. Ask yourself:
"Do I cringe when I hear their name?"
"Do I feel they need to 'make it up to me' for what they did or said?"
"Do I get angry when things are going well for them?"
"Does it make me happy to hear they are struggling or unhappy in life?"
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it is time to have a heart-to-heart with Jesus and stop holding that person’s offense against them—not for their sake, but for your own sake and well-being. For it has been well said that "Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Finally, remember that forgiving someone and reconciling your relationship with them are two different things. We are mandated in Scripture to forgive everyone who sins against us (Ephesians 4:32; Mark 11:25; Matthew 6:15). However, we are not commanded to reconcile every relationship because it may not be wise under certain conditions, even when the other person has repented. Therefore, employ godly wisdom, discernment, biblical principles, counsel, and prayer before resuming certain relationships.
